Friday, September 16, 2005

Ugh.

Ugh pretty much sums it up. It's that fun time of year for me when the S.A.D. starts kicking into high gear.

When the wha-huh kicks in? S.A.D.'s fairly well known, but if you haven't heard of it, here: (From the Seasonal Affective Disorder Association's site)

SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) is a type of winter depression that affects an estimated half a million people every Winter between September and April, in particular during December, January and February.
It is caused by a biochemical imbalance in the hypothalamus due to the shortening of daylight hours and the lack of sunlight in winter.
For many people SAD is a seriously disabling illness, preventing them from functioning normally without continuous medical treatment.


It sucks. Everything's a big hairy drama to my sun-starved brain, I sob uncontrollably over every little thing, and often over nothing. The house is a wreck because I can't keep up with it. My poor kids would be a mess too if Kev didn't help out so much. September's the worst, because I'm moving into the full-fledged depression part, and the transition is particularly difficult. I use a combination of light therapy (Ten minute tanning sessions here and there) and non-sedative antidepressant drugs, which help. But then there's the added guilt of "I'm tanning myself into an early skin-cancer grave", PLUS the all-too-widespread assumption that people who take antidepressants are weak, can't/won't deal on their own, need to suck it up, blah blah.

On top of this, I've gone back to work part time and had some other physical problems. My blood/iron count bottomed out, leading to the funfest that was a five hour IV treatment, to be repeated every three months. With lots of fun bloodwork every week in between. Bleargh.

I'm sure things will look less bleak soon, but right now it's midnight and I can't sleep for anything. Things always look their worst then.


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